It seems like life has been flipped upside-down since about last fall. It began with several big life changes happening at once, all of them not going how I thought they would.
We were actively working very hard to be foster to adopt licensed from July through December. It was a long process that took a lot of time. There were so many times when I thought we were done with all the paper work, had completed all the classes and requirements and would be waiting on an exciting email from our case worker to proclaim us Licensed! But time and again, we would receive an email with more lists of things we needed to complete. It was frustrating and disheartening. But we continued to press on. We strongly believe this is a calling and we are staying obedient until God tells us otherwise.
We also moved in the fall. We love our new house but it is not what we expected and was not in our plan. We bought our first house about 2 years ago and were in love with it! It was our first house and the fruition of years of saving and dreaming. We loved it and planned to live there for a long time. A new house was not in our plans but the financial benefits of this new house seemed like a great investment into our future so we moved. Our move was stressful. Usually I enjoy moving – I know, weird! But I like organizing and cleaning things and that’s a huge part of moving so it works for me. But this time we were also remodeling our new house at the same time, and working on all of our foster to adopt licensing requirements. All good things, but a little much to go through at once.
The actual move was really hard for us. We had talked with several of our friends for over a month about helping us move, coordinating times and schedules. Most people we know have moved over the last couple of years so this was almost a routine. But on our moving day only a couple of our friends showed up to help us. We were both so sad. Mark’s love language is acts of service and it was hard on both of us to have counted on our friends and have them not show up for us.
Over the next few months this seems to be a pattern. There have been many relationships that we have seen change. People have moved away, friendships have gone through changes and in general life has changed in unexpected ways.
I know change is constant but usually it comes in predictable ways. Or at least ways I feel like I am choosing or have control of. Like moving, getting married, changing jobs, buying a new car, etc. These past few months have felt like an unraveling of sorts. I believe God is reshaping our lives and us through this. It is uncomfortable at times but we are choosing Him and seeking Him and trusting Him.
We seek God’s will with our lives, we prayed and asked for wisdom on all the big things (and the little things!); buying both houses and becoming foster to adopt parents. I believe that all of these things are good, but apparently God had different plans for the timing. Maybe God is teaching me more about relying on Him and how much I am not in control of things? I’m not sure. I think these are lessons that won’t be completely clear for a while, maybe never.
I want to make sure I am getting all that I can out of them. Every lesson the Lord is teaching, I want to grasp. Refine me, Lord. Here I am. That is my prayer, before, during and after all of these unexpected changes.