I’ve been thinking a lot about prayer lately. God has been bringing it up in seemingly random ways for the past few weeks. I’ll hear a sermon and a part about prayer will stick out and keep playing in my head for days.
For example, I was listening to a sermon by Francis Chan the other day on a podcast. (<— He is amazing, if you haven’t heard of him, listened to a sermon he’s done or read one of his books, DO IT! He has changed my life in many ways!) I keep thinking through this question:
If you were to read a log of your prayers for the past week what would you learn about yourself? What would you learn about the way you view God?
There are obviously many layers to this question and I’ve been working through some of them this week. God and I had a really good moment during worship on Sunday. As an auditory and visual person music is a special way I feel close to God. I was able to cry out to him in the middle of the darkened room filled with soul moving music and deal with some of these views I hold of Him.
Sometimes I feel like God has forgotten me. Like the world is so big and there are so many other, big, important things going on that my little life and my little desires are not big enough for Him to care about.
I know fundamentally, emotionally, theologically, and every other -lly that this is false. I teach people that this is false. I believe with every part of me that this is false.
This is false. God cares for me. God knows me. God loves me.
But sometimes I still feel that way. Forgotten. Becasue I’m human. Because I’ve prayed the same prayer for years and it’s still unanswered, or the answer is still no, or I’m still just hoping and waiting until He makes me move or changes my heart.
So, God reminds me. He does little things. Things that would seem insignificant to anyone but me. But things that are exact answers to prayers or other hopes or needs. And sometimes He does big things too.
Like today. Today is a special day. Today we found out that a surgery we thought my 20 month old son would need is no longer necessary. God has healed him. His body is “normal” and 2 doctors and an ultrasound confirmed it for us today.
So I am praising God with all that I am. I am thanking Him for hearing my prayers. For taking care of us. For loving my son more than I do and for teaching me to trust in Him more every day.
And I am still praying those other prayers. Because like I said, I will not stop until He makes me move, or changes my heart. My hope is in Him.